


Twin Beaks

by LuckyLadybug



Series: Exit the Fly [5]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 1987)
Genre: Brothers, Clones, Gen, Science Fiction, Season/Series 07, Sibling Rivalry, Twins, Vegetables
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-02 00:29:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8644297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyLadybug/pseuds/LuckyLadybug
Summary: My Exit the Fly verse, 1987 series. The Turtles and the Channel 6 crew investigate a strange town where cabbages are treated like people. As usual, they find far more than they bargained for.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The characters are not mine, and the story, although loosely based on the Darkwing Duck episode Twin Beaks, is largely mine! This is part of my Exit the Fly verse set around late season 7 or a different season 8. Baxter is human and an ally of the Turtles. Barney works for Shredder.

It was almost Thanksgiving and Michelangelo was planning a special menu.

"So, how about turkey pizza for the main course, with mashed potato pizza, dressing pizza, and cranberry sauce pizza for the side dishes?"

"Sounds great to me," Raphael said. "But you can't forget the yam pizza and the pumpkin pie pizza."

"Might I offer a suggestion?" Splinter spoke up.

"Sure, Sensei," Michelangelo chirped.

"It might be wise to also offer the traditional Thanksgiving menu items in the traditional way for those who do not wish to have them as pizza toppings."

". . . Oh. Right." Michelangelo scribbled on his pad. "I'll make a note of that!"

Leonardo nodded. "That's the only fair thing to do, since Master Splinter doesn't care for pizza at all and Baxter doesn't like most of our unique pizza varieties."

Michelangelo gave a vigorous nod. "It's gonna be a great Thanksgiving dinner!" he chirped. "April and Baxter and Irma all coming over to share in our feast. . . . Hey, we should invite Mondo Gecko too. It's not like he'll have anyone else to spend Thanksgiving with."

"That is a very generous idea," Splinter said.

Leonardo's Turtle-Comm went off and he quickly opened it. "Oh, hi, Baxter," he greeted. "We were just talking about Thanksgiving plans." Then, noticing how frazzled the scientist looked, he asked, "Are you okay?"

"It's been a long day, to say the least," Baxter said wearily. "Because of the report on me courtesy of Vernon Fenwick, I was called in to the nearest police station today."

"Oh no." Leonardo winced. "But they let you go?"

"After a very lengthy interrogation session with two of the detectives and another with a psychiatrist." Baxter tried to relax. "A Lieutenant Kojak actually seemed to believe me and felt I should be allowed to go free, especially since there are no outstanding charges against me and the psychiatric examination proved I am now sane. They had previously determined that the giant fly was not, so if I had been caught back then, I probably would have ended up back in the asylum instead of in prison. Now that I am trying to live a decent life, Lieutenant Kojak wanted me to have the chance to be able to do so."

"That's great," Leonardo said in both relief and surprise. "We've thought for a long time that it would be good to have an ally on the police force. I wonder if now it might actually be possible."

"Perhaps. I don't know how he feels about ninja vigilantes. Anyway, I'm calling to let you know that I'm going on an assignment with Miss O'Neil to some bizarre town upstate called Twin Beaks. Mr. Thompson is sending us there to investigate reports of giant cabbages."

"Giant . . . cabbages?" Leonardo repeated. Memories of his misadventures in a strange town with giant vegetables danced through his mind.

"Yes. Miss O'Neil is bored by the sound of it, but I'm rather intrigued. I'd like to study them and find out what made them grow so large."

"I just hope it isn't a mad scientist again," Leonardo said. "I met one who was making giant vegetables, but I thought he'd still be in prison."

"Really? I'll have to look into that on the drive." Baxter looked irritated. "Miss Langinstein and Mr. Fenwick have been ordered to go along as well. I don't mind Miss Langinstein, but Mr. Fenwick is an idiot. There is no kind way to say it."

Leonardo had to smile in amusement. "We all agree with you, Baxter. Well, good luck and happy vegetable hunting."

"Thank you." The screen went dead.

". . . Wow," said Michelangelo.

"That was weird," said Raphael.

"The police visit or the giant vegetables?" Michelangelo asked.

"Both." Raphael folded his arms. "I'm not sure which is weirder."

"Well, I'm sure glad they let Baxter go," Leonardo said. "I was wondering if the police were going to do anything after that report came out."

"And that town." Raphael looked to Leonardo. "That wasn't the place where everyone thought you were an alien, was it?"

"No, I don't recognize that name at all," Leonardo said, shaking his head.

"I've brought it up on my GPS," Donatello announced. "Apparently it's named for two mountains looming over the town that are shaped like turtle heads."

". . . Twin Beaks, as in turtle beaks," said Raphael. "Cute."

"It's not that far away, actually," Donatello continued. "We could get there in a couple of hours."

"Sorry, Donatello. It doesn't sound like a hot tourist spot." Raphael stretched. "I'd rather stay home and watch _Garganzola Eats Kyoto_."

"I'm just kind of curious about the giant cabbages," Donatello said. "And what if it is that mad scientist again?"

"We stopped him once, but does that make him our responsibility forever more?" Raphael frowned.

"I'm wondering if it's him too," Leonardo said. "Donatello, can you find out if he's still in prison?"

"Of course I can," Donatello retorted. He went over to his computer and started to type. After a moment he leaned back. "He's still there," he reported. "And still just as crazy. He keeps talking about growing more giant vegetables to break him out."

"Oh. So it can't be him then," said Raphael.

Splinter had observed the conversation in silence. Now he spoke. "What do you feel you should do, my students?"

"I really think we should go up there," Leonardo said.

"Oh, come on, Leonardo," Raphael objected. "I'm sure the Channel 6 crew can take care of themselves. It's just a few big cabbages. What's going to happen?"

"The townspeople are gonna decide they can be big in the coleslaw business?" Michelangelo piped up.

Leonardo gave a weak smile and slumped back into the couch. "I guess you're right. It's silly to worry."

"Right. So let's settle down and watch a monster flick before bed," said Raphael.

"Okay," Leonardo agreed, and hoped he wasn't making the wrong decision.

****

"Well, this is it: the amazing town of Twin Beaks." Irma gestured widely with her arms as everyone climbed out of the Channel 6 news van at the Twin Beaks Hotel.

"And it's too dark to see anything tonight," April sighed. "We'll have to get rooms at the hotel and start investigating in the morning."

"At this hotel?" Vernon trembled. "There's probably cockroaches and bedbugs in every room!"

"Then gee, Vernon, you'll fit right in," Irma said sarcastically.

Vernon humphed. "Not as well as Channel 6's new scientific consultant." His voice dripped sarcasm as he gestured at Baxter. "You'd probably love a room filled with creepy-crawly things."

Baxter's stomach turned. "Having been one, I probably abhor them more than you do, Mr. Fenwick."

April pushed the door open and stepped into the lobby. "Alright, everyone. Settle down." She frowned. "I don't see a night clerk. Oh." The sight of a card on the desk caught her eye and she went over to pick it up. "'Please sign the register and help yourself to a room. You can pay in the morning.' Well, that's certainly generous of them."

"Not to mention stupid," Vernon said as he stomped inside with the others. "They probably get taken all the time."

"It sure looks like they're doing good business tonight," Irma blinked. "There's only two keys hanging there!"

"I guess that means we'll be doubling up." April signed the register with a flourish and reached for one of the keys. "Sorry, Dr. Stockman. I guess you'll be stuck with Vernon." She gave Baxter an apologetic smile.

"That's alright, Miss O'Neil," Baxter sighed. "I'll deal with it, distasteful as it is."

"Why don't you apologize to me, April?" Vernon whined. "I'm the one who'll have to share a room with a fly."

"Former fly," Irma interjected.

"And you've known me longer, but you like him better," Vernon continued.

"Oh, well, Dr. Stockman doesn't try to scoop my stories or run away and leave me to face danger all alone," April said in an overly sweet tone of voice. She twirled the key around her finger as she headed for the stairs. "Let's go, Irma. We'll need all the sleep we can get to deal with those giant cabbages in the morning."

"Right." Irma headed up after her. "Goodnight, boys."

 _"Boys,"_ Vernon sniffed in annoyance. "We're both older than she is."

By now Baxter had already signed the register and taken the other key. "Let's go, Mr. Fenwick. I want to get an early start on examining those cabbages. Farmers always get up early, so we should be able to start in as soon as it gets light enough to see properly."

"Oh, goody," Vernon muttered.

Both rooms were on the second floor, and across from each other. "Ours looks really nice," April said as she unlocked the door to one.

"There's only one bed," Vernon groused when Baxter opened the other.

"I'm sure there's a cot somewhere in the room," Baxter retorted.

"Or you could always share the bed," April said to Vernon. "Irma and I wouldn't have any problem doing that."

"Well, of course not," Vernon shot back. "You girls probably still like having sleepovers and other childish things like that."

"Wow," said Irma. "Vernon is calling someone else childish? Has he taken a look at himself lately?"

"Alright, this is getting us nowhere," Baxter said impatiently. "It's late, we're all tired, and I for one don't particularly want to wake up anyone else who has chosen to stay overnight here. I am going to bed. Mr. Fenwick, you may do whatever you please." With that he entered the room and set his suitcase on a chair near the bed.

April was amused at Vernon's consternation. "Goodnight, Vernon," she said as she and Irma disappeared into their room.

Vernon scowled. "I'm going to find the kitchen and raid the refrigerator," he told Baxter.

"That's perfectly fine with me, as long as you don't drag me into it if you're caught," Baxter retorted.

"Hmph!" Vernon stalked off with his nose in the air. "I'm not going to share a room with that fly creature," he muttered to himself. "Let alone a bed!" He shuddered. "I'll stay up in the van all night if I have to."

He hurried down the stairs and slipped down a deserted hall without anyone seeing him. When he arrived at a room labeled Kitchen, he smirked and pushed the swinging door open. "Now, they'd better have something good in here."

He crossed to the nearest fridge and opened it, rummaging through the shelves. "Hmm, leftover fried chicken," he mused. "Not bad."

The sensation that someone had come in caused him to back out of the fridge and straighten. "Since it's apparently too late for room service, I decided to help myself," he said to what he assumed was a staff member.

A strange rustling was the only reply.

"Well? Are you going to let me take some of the food or aren't you?" Vernon turned to look.

A scream echoed through the kitchen.

****

It was very early that morning when Leonardo's Turtle-Comm went off. "Hello?" he mumbled into it as he opened it.

"Leonardo, wake up!" cried April.

His eyes snapped open. "I'm awake! What's going on?!"

"That's what we don't know!" April exclaimed. "Vernon's missing and we can't wake Dr. Stockman!"

That brought Leonardo completely upright in bed. "What?!"

"And the hotel's deserted!" Irma cried in the background. "All the doors are standing open and no one's in the rooms!"

"We'll be right there," Leonardo promised. He leaped out of bed, still holding the Turtle-Comm. "How long have you two been up?"

"We woke up about ten minutes ago," April said. "Irma said she woke up because it was too quiet."

"I did!" Irma exclaimed. "I guess it comes from living in the big city too long."

"Leonardo, what's going on?" Donatello mumbled sleepily as he appeared in the doorway.

"Trouble," Leonardo retorted. "We should have gone out to Twin Beaks last night. Now Vernon's missing and the girls can't wake Baxter!"

Donatello hurried to the Turtle-Comm. "Have you checked to make sure he's alive?" he demanded.

"Of course we have!" April shot back. "He's alive, and his vital signs seem to be normal, but he's just not waking up!"

"And he's sprawled on the bed like he fell back on it," Irma put in.

"We'll be there in a couple of hours," Leonardo assured. "Keep trying to wake him up!"

Raphael yawned as he came to the doorway. "Can you be any louder, Leonardo?" he grumbled. "It's only six o'clock."

"And it'll be eight before we can get to Twin Beaks!" Leonardo called over his shoulder.

"Twin Beaks?" Michelangelo popped out of his room. "Like, why are we going there, amigos?"

"We'll explain on the way," Leonardo promised.

****

The drive was tense but uneventful. When at last the twin turtle head mountains loomed above the sleepy little town, the Turtles only grew even more tense.

"Okay, I'd like to be glad that turtles are getting represented and all, but those are just downright creepy," Raphael declared.

"And where are the people?" Leonardo exclaimed. "All I see are rows and rows of giant cabbages!"

"Dudes, this is creepier than _The Last Stand at Ghost Gulch Inn_ ," Michelangelo declared.

"You don't even like Westerns," Raphael pointedly said.

"That one was pretty creepy," Michelangelo said. "Just like that episode of _The Wild Wild West_ where they're trapped in that haunted house. . . ."

"Okay, can we please stop talking about ghosts and haunted houses?" Raphael begged.

Michelangelo blinked. "You're not scared, are you, Raphael?"

"Of course not," Raphael objected. "I just . . . don't think we need to be getting ideas right now."

Donatello pulled up next to the news van at the hotel. "Well, here we are," he said.

"Thank goodness," came April's voice from the Turtle-Comm. "Dr. Stockman is finally waking up, but he's still pretty groggy."

"And he's saying some really weird things," Irma chimed in.

"We're on our way up," said Leonardo.

When they thundered up the stairs, they found April and Irma standing over a dazed Baxter in one of the rooms. Donatello pushed past the other Turtles to be in the front. "Baxter, do you know where you are?" he asked.

"Of course I know where I am," Baxter retorted, reaching to rub at his head. "I'm in the hotel at Twin Beaks. And if I never come here again, it will be too soon!"

"Ask him who did this to him," Irma put in.

"Okay. Who did this to you, Baxter?" Leonardo asked.

"It was that idiot Fenwick." Baxter sat up, still rubbing his head. "I heard him come back from raiding the kitchen, so I asked him if he was planning to go to bed. He just sneered at me and said No, but he'd see that I did. He didn't want me talking. Then he sprayed some kind of gas at me and I blacked out."

"But he should have blacked out too, if he wasn't holding something over his nose and mouth," Donatello frowned.

"Well, he didn't," Baxter insisted. "The gas wasn't affecting him at all. He just stood there laughing at me while it overwhelmed me!"

April looked to the Turtles in dismay. "See what I mean, guys? We all know Vernon's a creep, but somehow this just doesn't sound like him."

"No, it doesn't," Leonardo had to admit. "Something would have to be pretty wrong for him to act like that."

"Not to mention how he could just stand there drinking in the gas like it was a pizza cooking," Michelangelo chimed in.

"Hello?"

Everyone jumped a mile at the new voice. A stranger was standing in the doorway, looking confused and surprised.

"So who are you, Dude?" Michelangelo asked.

"Grant Moss, the proprietor of this here establishment," the older man drawled. "I wasn't aware we had so many green guests."

"We came here to help our friends," Leonardo said. "Someone disappeared and someone else was hurt!"

Grant started. "That can't be good."

"Not just that, but all the other guests in your 'establishment' have disappeared too!" April cried.

"Well, now, they just went out for breakfast and drinks and to look at our giant cabbages," Grant said. "A lot of them are back now." He indicated several people waving behind him.

"Everybody bugged out at once?" Raphael blinked.

Grant ignored him. "Someone was hurt, you say?" he looked back to Leonardo.

"That's right," Leonardo nodded.

"I'm alright," Baxter insisted. "I just want to know why Mr. Fenwick did this to me."

"To know that, we'll have to find 'Mr. Fenwick,'" April sighed. "And he could be anywhere!"

"If you'll give me a description, I'll pass the word along and keep an eye out for him," Grant offered.

"Oh, Vernon's easy to spot," said April. "He's tall and dark and probably complaining about everything."

"Or giggling like a sadistic maniac," Baxter grumbled.

"Or hiding under something," said Irma.

"What even is there to hide from around here?" April retorted.

"You know Vernon. He could find something," Irma insisted.

"I'll look for him," Grant promised. "Meanwhile, why don't all of you folks come down to a nice, hearty breakfast?"

"I am like, totally down with that, Dude!" Michelangelo exclaimed in delight.

"Well, we do need to eat," Irma shrugged.

April looked overwhelmed. "I'm getting the beginnings of my story, only it's not at all what I planned!" she sighed.

"Is it ever?" said Raphael.

Donatello looked to Baxter as he slowly got off the bed. "Are you really okay, Baxter?"

"I'm fine," Baxter replied, waving his fists in the air. "I'm just angry. Even if that idiot doesn't want to work with me, he has no right to assault me!"

"It's hard to imagine Vernon even having the courage to do something like that," Leonardo said. "He's just not the type."

"So let's keep up our strength by having breakfast before we look for him," Michelangelo said. "Er, if you feel like eating, Baxter. . . ."

"I feel like reporting him to Mr. Thompson," Baxter retorted.

"If Vernon really did that to you in his right mind, I'll probably beat you to that report," said April.

****

It was a quiet, ordinary day in the Technodrome until Krang clomped off to find Shredder after a quick scan of his transdimensional screen. "Shredder!" he bellowed. "Where are you?!"

Barney opened the door to his laboratory, frowning at the commotion. "I'm trying to work on my latest invention," he snapped.

"You might be going to the surface in a few minutes," Krang shot back. "Shredder!"

The bathroom door opened and Shredder emerged in a thick towel. "What's going on, Krang?!" he demanded. "Can't I even take a shower in peace?"

"There's something strange going on in the town of Twin Beaks," Krang said.

"So?" Shredder retorted. "What do I care?"

"There's giant cabbages growing in that town," Krang exclaimed. His purple eyes were wide and filled with what actually looked like fear.

"Why, I never knew you were afraid of vegetables, Krang," Shredder sneered. "I must remember that for the future."

"If they're what I think they are, you'd better be afraid of them too," Krang scowled. "They could conquer the whole world and not leave any of it left for us!"

"Cabbages could conquer the world?!" Shredder scoffed. "With what, a gigantic Salad Shooter?"

"Oooh, I knew there was a reason I've always hated vegetables," Rocksteady groaned as he appeared in the corridor with Bebop.

"These cabbages might be able to do it," Krang said. "You're going to the surface to look into it!"

"And just how will I know if they're the right cabbages?!" Shredder said in disbelief.

"Oh, you'll know," Krang said darkly.

"So what're we supposed to do then, Krang?" asked Bebop.

"You are to consult with me before doing anything else," Krang told him.

"I'm going to finish my shower before we do anything at all." Shredder vanished back into the bathroom.

"I'm going too, I trust," Barney piped up.

"If you can tear yourself away from your invention long enough," Krang retorted. "You might get a kick out of investigating the giant cabbages up close . . . especially since your beloved brother is in town."

"Baxter is there?!" Now Barney was definitely more interested. "Do you . . . want me to do anything about him?" Inwardly he prayed for a No.

"Do whatever you wish," Krang said boredly. "Just make sure that if you are going to do anything, you do it to the right Baxter."

"What?!" Barney stared at him. "There's only one Baxter!"

"You could be wrong," Krang chanted in a sing-song voice. "Twin Beaks might be full of duplicates by the time you get there."

Barney's lip curled. "As if one Baxter wasn't more than enough," he muttered.

****

The hotel dining room was filled when the group ventured downstairs. But as they immediately saw, more than half the patrons were most unexpected.

". . . There's giant cabbages sitting up to each table," Raphael said, completely appalled.

"That's nothing," Michelangelo exclaimed. "There's a bathroom door for the cabbages!" He pointed at the far wall.

"Well, that's just strange," Irma exclaimed.

"Noo, _strange_ is finding out your significant other is an Elvis impersonator from the Bermuda Triangle," said Raphael. "This place is completely bizarre!"

"Mondo bizarro," Michelangelo agreed.

"Oh, I don't think so," Grant drawled. "This town just feels particularly close to their plants."

Baxter coughed. "That's obvious; the coffee smells like fertilizer!"

". . . Yeah, I think we're going to order room service," said Raphael.

"I'm not leaving all this!" April cried. "This is a perfect story!" She whipped out her video camera.

"Well, have fun with that," Raphael said. He backed slowly towards the door.

"Wait a minute!" Baxter exclaimed. "I just remembered something. Last night, Mr. Fenwick said he was going to raid the refrigerator. It was when he came back that he assaulted me."

"So maybe he ate something that made him flip out?" Michelangelo said in realization.

". . . I don't think I want to order room service either," Irma moaned.

Leonardo looked to Grant. "Would it be alright if we look in the kitchen? Maybe there'll be some clue as to what happened to our missing friend."

"Well . . ." Grant hesitated, stroking his chin. "I guess under the circumstances it would be alright."

"Great. Thank you!" Leonardo hurried ahead to the kitchen. The others followed in varying states of enthusiasm and hesitance.

"What I wonder is why everything was deserted when we first came," said Donatello. "Where was everyone? It's just too strange that they'd all be gone at the same time."

"It's sure busy now," Leonardo said.

"In mondo bizarro ways, Dude," Michelangelo said matter-of-factly. He looked around at the cooks, who were busy cooking breakfast. "Wow, is everything meat here? I don't see a single vegetable, not even cabbage."

"Maybe they feel so close to their plants that they can't bear to eat them," Raphael said dryly. "Anyone who sets up a little cabbages' room has to have more than a few screws loose."

"The freezer must be full of meat," Irma commented. Out of curiosity she went over and peered through the window. In the next moment she screamed and fell back in a dead faint.

Shocked, Baxter caught her and looked through the window himself. His eyes widened.

"Okay, Baxter, what is it?" Raphael frowned.

"It looks like a normal meat freezer," Baxter said slowly. "At least in some ways. There are sides and drumsticks . . . and then there are people hanging by ropes binding their hands together."

 _"WHAT?!"_ All four Turtles zoomed over to look in the window.

"This is more than a sick joke," Raphael said hotly. "Those people could be dead in there!"

"Why would Grant let us come in here when he knew we'd see this?" Leonardo frowned. He grabbed the door handle and started to pull on it.

"Because he planned on all of you coming in, not going out," one of the cooks spoke up with a sneer. He threw his meat cleaver.

Leonardo ducked and it stuck in the door. "Baxter, get Irma out of here," he ordered, drawing his katanas.

"And take her where?" Baxter retorted. "Obviously this hotel isn't safe!"

"Find April and get in the Turtle Van!" Leonardo said. "We'll be there as soon as possible." A knife soared overhead and he ducked. Raphael seized it with a sai and brought it down.

Baxter needed no further prodding. Irma was starting to revive and he kept an arm around her waist as he pulled her out of the kitchen.

"What happened?" she mumbled.

"You would probably be happier if you don't remember," he shot back.

April met them practically at the door. "I heard Irma scream!" she exclaimed.

Irma trembled. "I . . . it was awful," she moaned. "There were people hanging in the meat freezer. . . ."

"What?!" April gasped. "Dead?!"

"We don't know," Baxter said. "The Turtles are fighting with the staff. We're to get into the Turtle Van and wait for them."

April looked to the kitchen longingly. But when a sharp weapon flew past her head, she thought better of it. "Okay," she agreed. "Let's go!"

Some of the patrons and staff members looked at them strangely as they tried to maneuver around the tables to the doors. But when one waiter stepped forward, all of them tensed and came to attention.

"Are you really leaving so soon?" he asked. "You haven't had breakfast yet." The words were innocent enough, but the gleam in his eye said that his intentions weren't pure at all.

April started to ease past him. "We're fine," she said. "We'll wait for our friends and maybe tour your town first."

"Oh, but I insist." He moved to crack Baxter over the head with his empty serving tray.

Baxter responded by ducking under and diving around one side of a nearby table. He crashed into it and the people sitting there exclaimed in bewilderment.

"Pardon me," he mumbled, embarrassed.

"We insist too!" Irma yelped, flying around the opposite side of the table. She immediately tripped over a large cabbage that appeared in her path.

"Come on, Irma!" April cried, pulling her friend up. They and Baxter ran for the door while waiters chased after them and cabbages rolled and bounced their way.

"This is ridiculous!" Irma wailed. "Please tell me I'm having a nightmare and I can wake up now!"

"Wouldn't that be nice," Baxter grunted. "Unfortunately, this is real-life!"

They flew out the door and April hauled open the door to the Turtle Van. They managed to pile inside before their pursuers caught up.

"Okay, so now what?" Irma frowned. "We sit and wait? We'll be sitting ducks in here!"

"Not with all the gadgets Donatello installed," April said. "We're probably safer in here than we'd be in the Channel 6 news van. Anyway, we've wrecked so many news vans that I'm not sure what Burne would say if it happened again!"

Irma sank down on the nearest seat and slumped forward, her hands on her forehead. "I guess you're right."

"Are you alright, Irma?" April asked in concern.

"No, I'm not alright!" Irma retorted. "I saw people hanging in a meat locker like it's a gangster movie! I don't even know if they were alive. And we don't know what happened to Vernon. . . ." She scowled. "Although I don't know why I'm even worried about him. If it was anyone else missing, he wouldn't care. He's run away and left us in trouble enough times to prove that."

"Well, if we didn't care, we'd be as bad as he is," April said. "I don't want that."

"Yeah," Irma sighed. "Me either."

Baxter tuned out their conversation and walked to the opposite side of the van. Donatello had certainly changed it in many ways. He was always looking for ways to make it better and more helpful to the Turtles' cause. It had been Baxter's property originally, but after all the alterations he barely recognized it.

He sighed to himself. He preferred having his own vehicle as opposed to taking public transport. He would have to look into getting something else when they got back to the city.

"Dr. Stockman?"

He looked up at April's voice. "What is it?"

"Are you alright?"

"Yes," Baxter insisted. "I'm just wondering how we're going to get out of this mess."

"Well, here come the Turtles!" Irma announced. "Let's get ready to take off."

The Turtles piled into the van and Donatello started the engine almost in one motion. When everyone had strapped themselves in, he sped off.

"That was a nice workout," Raphael said with dripping sarcasm. "I'll bet before the day is out, the town will be chasing us with torches and pitchforks."

"So what are we going to do?" April exclaimed. "We need to get those people out of the freezer. If they're possibly still alive, they probably don't have much time left."

"I know," Donatello frowned. "But there's no way we can turn around and go back in there right now."

"We'll have to use our ninja training and try an approach from the shadows," Leonardo said.

"Unfortunately, there aren't a whole lot of shadows right now," Irma exclaimed. "It's late morning!"

"Maybe we'll have to take the scenic route through the ventilator system, Compadres," Michelangelo suggested.

"If we'll all fit," Raphael grunted. "Some shafts are bigger than others. And somehow I don't think a town like this would have really big shafts."

"They might in the hotel," Leonardo said. "It's worth a try. We'll go into the woods and then double-back on foot."

It was when they were in the woods that a figure stumbled out of the bushes and into the path of the van. "Look out!" Irma yelped.

Donatello threw on the brakes. "That was Vernon!" he exclaimed.

"Vernon!" April opened the door and stormed out. "What are you doing out here?!"

Vernon trembled, brushing away stray twigs and leaves. "I don't know!" he moaned. "I was in the kitchen getting something to eat and something attacked me. I woke up out here!"

"Well, be glad you weren't still in the kitchen," Irma muttered.

Baxter came to the doorway now. "I would like to know what you meant by coming back upstairs and gassing me unconscious," he snapped.

"What?!" Vernon stared at him. "I did no such thing! I didn't even go back upstairs. I wasn't about to share a room with the likes of you!"

Leonardo frowned. "Is there any chance it wasn't Vernon you saw, Baxter? It was dark, it was late, maybe you were half-asleep. . . ."

"I was awake," Baxter said flatly. "I heard screaming downstairs and I woke up. When Mr. Fenwick appeared in the doorway, I asked him if he was the one screaming. He said he wasn't. And I could clearly see and hear that it was he with whom I was speaking."

"You'd believe the word of a former fly?" Vernon sniffled. "I'm not lying!"

April exhaled in exasperation. "Alright, Vernon. Nevermind. We're going back to town to try to sneak into the hotel. There are people locked in the meat freezer. We need to try to rescue them."

"The meat freezer?!" Vernon stared at her in horror. "Count me out!"

"Then stay behind at the Van, if the Turtles say it's okay," April said in frustration.

Vernon looked back and forth between the Van and his companions. "I've spent more than enough time in the woods as it is," he said. "I'll come with you."

"Fine! Then let's go!" April stormed off, gripping her camera.

"She's certainly snippy today," Vernon huffed.

"It hasn't exactly been a great trip for any of us," Leonardo frowned.

Baxter was definitely displeased. "Something is wrong!" he hissed to Donatello as they walked. "I know it was Mr. Fenwick who gassed me. He can deny it all he wants, but it's a complete lie."

Donatello shook his head. "I don't know what to do, Baxter," he said helplessly. "Vernon insists he didn't do it, and it really doesn't sound like something he'd do. Yet you're adamant that he did do it, and I know you wouldn't say it if you didn't fully believe it."

"Just watch him," Baxter pleaded. "Don't take your attention away from him. He's plotting something; I know he is!"

"Okay," Donatello said. "I'll watch him."

****

Shredder scowled as the transport module came up on the main street. "This had better be good," he muttered.

Bebop and Rocksteady threw open the door. "Hey, lookie, Boss," Bebop called. "All these people look stoned."

"And the rest of 'em are staring at us like we're a threat," Rocksteady gulped.

"It's just typical small-town paranoia," Shredder said in irritation. "Let's find the cabbages and get this over with."

"That won't be hard," Rocksteady said. "They're everywhere!"

Barney climbed out and stared at the nearest one, which was sitting on a porch swing. "This is incredible," he exclaimed. "Varieties of squash can grow to enormous sizes, but I've never heard of giant cabbages."

"According to Krang, they could conquer the world," Shredder grunted. "Send a picture back to the Technodrome so he can tell us if these are the cabbages we're looking for."

"Very well." Barney turned on the portable communicator and pointed it at the cabbage. "We're here. This is what the cabbages look like."

Krang gave a cry of horror. "Oh no! It's just what I was afraid of. It's . . ."

But before he could finish, a huge cabbage leaf batted the communicator out of Barney's hand. Barney jumped a mile. "How dare you!" he snapped.

"You're addressing a huge vegetable," Shredder said, unimpressed.

Barney leaned over it. "It clearly moved on its own," he said. "But I don't see anything about it that could help it rule the world. I'm sure Krang is simply overreacting."

Without warning a figure rose from the center of the cabbage, sneering at him. "Are you now?" it said in Barney's exact voice. "Maybe you're not as scientific as he thinks you are."

Barney fell back in shock. Bebop sprang into Rocksteady's arms with a horrified cry of, "Mama!"

Shredder was intrigued and appalled and alarmed all at once. "It's an exact duplicate of you," he said to Barney.

And indeed it was. By now it had completely formed into a mirror of Barney; there was no trace of the cabbage it had once been. It continued to sneer at the original. "If I wasn't outnumbered, I'd take you to join the others," it said. "I guess I'll just let you roam around town for a while. It won't be long and you'll all be duplicated." With that it turned and vanished into the building it had been sitting in front of.

Barney, gaping after it, finally found his voice. "I've spent all of my life being mistaken for my twin brother!" he shrilled. "I am not going to be mistaken for a cabbage!" He jumped up and down in a fit, shaking his fists in the air.

"Stop throwing a temper tantrum and find that communicator!" Shredder roared. "We have to contact Krang and find out what can stop them!"

"Maybe nothing can, Boss," Rocksteady whimpered. "We're all gonna be replaced by cabbages and they really will rule the world!"

"Gee," Bebop gulped. "That plot don't sound so cliche when it's happening to you."

Shredder's eyes narrowed. "But if the cabbages are replacing the real residents, what are they doing with them?" he wondered aloud.

"And how are we gonna tell the real ones from the cabbages?" Bebop frowned.

Barney, having finally calmed down enough to locate the communicator, brought it over to them. Krang scowled at the lot of them. "The cabbages function just like other sentient beings in many ways," he croaked. "They eat, sleep, move, and think. They immediately absorb the memories and personality of the people they choose to duplicate. But since they're not human or animal even though they look it, there are ways to tell what they are. For one thing, they have an unusual love of water and sunlight, far more than is normal for the average human or animal. They fear anything that loves to eat plants. And they easily tolerate certain things that would bother humans and animals. Many an assault team discovered that knockout gasses have no effect on them."

"So where did they come from?" Shredder boomed.

"And how do we stop them?" Barney demanded.

"They're an alien species from Dimension C," Krang said. "Every sensible person in every dimension, galaxy, and universe is afraid of them. They can only be stopped by a weapon developed by a race of alien cows from the planet Larsen. I have the plans for how to build one; I'm trying to put it together now."

"Why on Earth didn't you wait to send us here until you'd built it?!" Shredder burst out.

"I had to be sure whether it was even necessary," Krang retorted. "There's so many other things an evil brain would like to put his mind to. Now just be careful and try to stall them until the weapon is ready."

"For Heaven's sake, how do we stall them?!" Barney cried.

Krang smiled. "Scare them, distract them, try not to let them make more of you. Krang out." The picture went dead.

"Oh, this is an impossible situation!" Shredder roared. "The cabbages are everywhere! And any supposed human we meet might be another one!"

"I wanna go home," Rocksteady whined.

"Well, we can't go home until this problem is solved!" Shredder snapped. "So let's get to work doing what we can to hold them off in their plans for world domination. I'm going to rule this world myself one of these days. I'm certainly not going to move over and let my rightful dictatorship be taken over by a bunch of giant vegetables!"

Barney smirked at him and wandered off ahead. "We'll soon see, won't we."

Shredder stamped his foot. "I can see why Krang likes him," he growled.

"Now who's throwin' a temper tantrum?" said Bebop.

"Oh shut up," Shredder grumbled.

****

By the time the group arrived back in town and was quietly approaching the hotel from the back, their nerves were ragged. Vernon had kept up a steady stream of complaints the entire way, about everything from insects to hunger to exhaustion.

Raphael's teeth were tightly clenched and he was gripping his sai. "Well, Vernon's in top form today, even after gassing Baxter last night."

Leonardo sighed. "Here's the back entrance," he announced. "There should be a ventilation shaft right inside. Let's go, guys."

"I'm coming with you!" April insisted. "There's no way I'm missing a story like this. If those people are alive, it will be an incredible rescue!"

"And if they're dead, it's the kind of thing you'd read in a supermarket tabloid," Raphael grunted.

"Well, I'm staying out here," Irma exclaimed.

"So am I," Vernon whined. "I'm not going in there and getting up in a ventilation shaft with four reptiles!"

"Suit yourself, Vernon," Leonardo said. Even he was trying very hard to control his patience by this point.

Baxter looked worried. "I'm going to stay out here as well," he said.

"Too much hero-ing for you lately, Baxter?" Raphael surmised.

Baxter just folded his arms, irritation flickering in his eyes.

Donatello bit his lip. "Okay, Baxter. We'll call if we need you. If those people are alive, you and I would probably know best how to help them."

"I'll come if I'm needed," Baxter promised.

Michelangelo waved. "Hang loose, dudes and dudette! We'll be back before you know it!"

The Turtles and April quietly vanished through the door.

Irma started to pace. "I hope they're not going to be gone a long time," she fretted. "We still have to decide what to do about this town."

"Calling the police might be a good start," Vernon sniffed. "Surely the Turtles aren't planning to fight the entire town all by themselves!"

"When it's the Turtles, who knows," Irma said.

Baxter sighed. "Let's just try to be quiet and not attract attention. We don't need any more trouble."

"Oh, but you've already got it."

Baxter and Irma started and turned at Vernon's dark tone. He was smirking at them both with a cruel and most un-Vernon look.

"You didn't stay behind because you didn't want to get into the fray," Vernon said. "Or at least, that wasn't your only reason. You were worried about leaving Irma with me."

Irma looked surprised. "Is that true, Dr. Stockman? That's sweet, but you didn't need to worry. I'm alone with Vernon a lot."

"After what he did to me, I wasn't going to take the chance," Baxter answered.

Vernon snapped his fingers. Out of the trees and around buildings, giant cabbagges began to bounce and roll in their direction.

Irma backed up into Baxter. "What's going on?!" she cried. "Vernon - !"

"It's too bad you didn't know what you really saw, Dr. Stockman," Vernon sneered. "And it's too bad your 'friends' didn't know who to believe or what to believe. I'm not really Vernon. I'm one of them." He pointed to the advancing cabbages. "And within a matter of moments, the two of you will be duplicated as well!"

Baxter glowered at him, while Irma stared in disbelieving shock. "And what will happen to us?" he said coolly.

"Those infamous humans in the freezer? We have other freezers around town. You'll be placed in suspended animation in one of those."

Irma's knees began to wobble in her horror. "Oh no. Oh _no. . . ._ "

Baxter gripped her arms. "Don't swoon, Miss Langinstein," he scolded. "We're going to get out of this."

"How?!" Irma wailed. She indicated the cabbages, which were ganging up on them from all sides. "It's hopeless!"

Baxter let go of her and reached into his coat. "I had a feeling I might need one of these again."

Irma stared as he pulled out what looked like a type of gun and blasted the nearest cabbage. It fell back in flames. "Where did you get that?!" she exclaimed.

"I built it," Baxter said impatiently. "Let's go!" He ran towards the opening in the circle, blasting any other cabbages that tried to get in his way.

Irma grabbed a heavy stick as she followed. "Take that, you overgrown salad ingredients!" she yelled, batting back the nearest cabbage.

Not-Vernon was both furious and in horror. "No!" he yelled. "Stop them! Stop them!"

But Baxter and Irma were already far ahead, and the cabbages were scared of Baxter's flamethrower gun. They weren't about to move.

Irma glanced over her shoulder. "Well, Vernon or not, he's still barking orders and too much of a coward to do anything about them himself," she commented.

"I guess that's not much of a surprise," Baxter said. "They apparently take on the personalities of their victims."

"And this must mean the real Vernon is in a freezer somewhere." Irma's shoulders slumped and she lowered the stick as she slowed to a halt. "He's never been very endearing, but that's an awful fate for anyone."

"His double said we'd be put in suspended animation," Baxter mused. "That means the other people must have suffered that fate. They should still be alright."

Irma perked up. "Then we need to go help the Turtles and April save them!"

Approaching footsteps brought their attention up. Baxter pointed his gun. But the people who emerged shook him to the core. He hadn't encountered Shredder since Shredder had learned that he was alive. Now he was standing here, completely vulnerable, as his nemesis drew nigh.

Irma cringed. "Oh no."

Bebop leaped on Rocksteady's back. "It's the cabbage guy!" he screamed.

"Let's get out of here!" Rocksteady wailed.

"Spineless jellyfish!" Shredder boomed.

Barney threw a fit. "That isn't my double!" he shrieked, jumping up and down. "That's my brother! Why can't anyone get it right?!"

"Well, your brother pretty much is your double," Bebop said. He cautiously climbed down.

"We are very different," Barney retorted, "and not just because our hair is different colors." He grabbed a chunk of red hair in emphasis.

Baxter was exasperated. "This isn't the time for an argument about this!" He lowered his gun. "If all of you are the genuine articles, we have a problem regarding the produce in this town."

"We're already aware of that!" Barney snapped. "One of them cloned me! Krang is supposed to be making a weapon to destroy them, but it isn't finished yet."

"He knows what they are?" Baxter exclaimed.

"Yes!" Barney cried. "They're some alien race!"

"Wait a minute!" Irma interrupted. "How do we know you guys are the real people? Maybe one or more of you is a cabbage!"

"We ain't no stinkin' cabbages!" Rocksteady growled.

"And even if you aren't, you're the last people we should be trusting!" Irma went on. "You're the bad guys!"

"In this situation we have a mutual enemy," Shredder growled. "But I have no intention of working with you. Especially with him." He nodded to Baxter.

"Then we feel the same," Baxter said coolly. "Let's go, Miss Langinstein. We have to get back to the Turtles and Miss O'Neil."

"Right." Irma turned and stalked off, still clutching her stick.

****

The Turtles and April found everything very quiet as they made their way through the ventilation shaft towards the kitchen. It was eerie and unsettling, especially after the bustle of only a short time ago.

"I don't get what's going on in this place!" April fumed. "It's like everyone's disappeared again. We haven't seen anyone in any of the rooms we've passed!"

"Maybe they're all out looking for us," Raphael said, only half-sarcastically.

"Or maybe they're planning to close up operations here and move them somewhere else," Leonardo worried.

"Yeah, but just what are their operations? Aside from freezing humans, that is," Raphael grunted.

"And what do the economy-size cabbages have to do with it?" Michelangelo wondered.

"I wish we knew," Leonardo sighed.

"Maybe the people in the freezer can tell us," Donatello hoped. "If they're still alive."

"Well, here's the kitchen," Leonardo announced. "And no one's in it." He pushed the grate away with a katana and jumped down to the floor. The others quickly followed.

April started to roll her camera. "Okay, guys. Make this good!"

Donatello hurried to the freezer and looked in the window. "If they're leaving, they haven't taken these people with them. They're still here!" He hauled the door open and rushed inside. "Help me get one of them down to check for vital signs!"

April shuddered in horror at the sight. "They couldn't possibly still be alive," she said.

"I know it doesn't seem likely, but we can't give up just yet," Donatello insisted.

Michelangelo shivered. "Totally uncool, Dudes. This place is like the North Pole!"

"Don't you mean 'totally cold'?" Raphael quipped, trying to hide his own horror.

Leonardo leaped up, cutting the rope binding the nearest person and sending him into Donatello's arms. As Donatello laid him down, he quickly commenced the search for signs of life.

"Is there anything?" April asked without much hope.

"I think . . . yes! Yes, there's a heartbeat!" Donatello looked up in relief and confusion. "Actually, the vitals are a lot stronger than what should be possible in this situation at all. It's like he's in suspended animation."

"Here's Vernon!" Michelangelo called from the back of the freezer.

"Vernon?!" everyone else echoed in shock and disbelief. They dashed over.

"Okay, how can this be Vernon?" Raphael demanded. "We left Vernon outside with Irma and Baxter!"

Leonardo cut the rope regardless, forcing Raphael to catch the falling body. Raphael stumbled back, scowling as Vernon's arms fell around his neck. "Oh great. Do you really have to film this, April?"

"I'm not leaving this out!" April retorted. "Two Vernons is huge news! One of them has to be fake!"

"Yeah, but like, which one?" Michelangelo frowned. "And how do we get all these people to rise and shine?"

"I'm not sure," Donatello admitted. "That might have a lot to do with what was given to them to put them in suspended animation to begin with."

Michelangelo ran into the kitchen and came back with a bucket of warm water. "I guess this wouldn't work?"

Raphael laid Vernon down on the floor. "Be my guest," he smirked.

"Okay. Here goes!" Michelangelo started to turn the bucket upsidedown.

Donatello looked over in shock. "No, wait!" he exclaimed.

But it was too late. The water splashed over Vernon. Suddenly he coughed and gasped, springing upright. "Oh! What are you trying to do, drown me?!"

Donatello's jaw dropped. ". . . I can't believe that just worked."

Vernon struggled, pulling against the ropes still binding his hands. "What's going on here?! Who tied me up?!"

Raphael bent down and sliced through the rope with his sai. "Honestly, Vernon, that's what we're still trying to figure out. What's the last thing you remember?"

Vernon paused. "I was in the kitchen," he said slowly. "I heard something coming up behind me and I turned to look. And . . . and . . ." He covered his face. "It was horrible!"

"Tell us anyway," Raphael said. "It can't be any worse than what we've already seen."

"It was a giant cabbage!" Vernon moaned.

April lowered her camera. "You were afraid of a vegetable?"

"Not just any vegetable! It was moving!" Vernon took his hands away from his face. "And then something started to rise out of the center of it."

"Godzilla," Raphael supplied.

"It was me!" Vernon wailed. "The cabbage was turning itself into me! Then it sprayed me with something and I found myself waking up here being drowned!"

Everyone stared, first at Vernon, then at each other.

"Wow, Dude," Michelangelo said at last. "It sounds like one of my nightmares. Only crazier."

"Are you sure you weren't already knocked out when you dreamed up a shape-shifting cabbage?" Raphael asked.

"Wait, Raphael," Leonardo broke in. "We already realized there were two Vernons. I know it sounds absolutely outlandish, but what if the second one really was a cabbage in disguise?"

Donatello's eyes widened. "That's why the gas didn't affect Vernon when he gassed Baxter," he gasped. "The gas wouldn't affect a vegetable!"

"I did what?!" Vernon stared at him.

"You didn't do it, Vernon!" Donatello replied. "That's the whole problem! We never seriously considered that maybe Baxter was right and if so, what could be the explanation for that!"

"We never really had the chance," Raphael muttered.

"And we left Irma and Baxter outside with that other Vernon!" April cried.

"Oh boy." Raphael ran for the door. "Okay, kids. Let's get out there and see what damage Cabbage-Vernon's done."

Vernon stumbled to his feet. "You're not going to leave me here," he exclaimed.

"Not if you can keep up," Raphael called back.

Vernon took several steps forward and then nearly jumped to the ceiling. "A dead body!" he shrieked, pointing at the first person the Turtles had cut down.

"He's not dead," Donatello assured him. "He's in suspended animation, just like you were."

Vernon still looked suspicious. "What are you going to do with him?"

"I think I'd better stay here and try to wake him and everyone else up," Donatello said. "We don't know what the cabbages want with them, so it probably isn't safe to leave them here any longer than we have to."

"Them?!" Vernon looked around, really focusing on the scene for the first time. He started to tremble again when he saw the sheer number of people hanging from the meat hooks. "Wait for me!" he yelled to Raphael, Leonardo, and April.

Donatello sighed. "Typical. Although it is a horrifying sight."

"Hey, I'll stay and help you, Bud," Michelangelo said. "The cabbages might come back before you're done."

The offer brought a smile. "Thanks, Michelangelo," Donatello said. "I could use the help." He surveyed the people they still needed to help. "And maybe when they're awake, they'll be able to help us fight off these things. If there's a whole town full of them, we're going to need a lot of help."

"Mondo notion!" Michelangelo said as he moved to untie one woman's rope.

****

As Leonardo, Raphael, April, and Vernon ran outside through the back door, Baxter and Irma were just hurrying back from their adventure. Irma stopped short, baring her stick. "Alright, which Vernon are you?!" she demanded.

Vernon shrieked and held up his arms to cover his head. "What are you doing, Irma?! Stop!"

"It's alright, Irma; this Vernon is the real one," Leonardo interjected.

"If you can call that 'alright,'" Raphael quipped.

Baxter still looked wary. "You realize about the imposter?"

"We sure do now," April sighed. "This town is crawling with imposters!"

"Yeah," Raphael scowled. "And how are we gonna stop them all?!"

"With a lot of help," Leonardo declared.

"You're going to need some weapon Krang is inventing," Baxter told him. "He apparently knows what these cabbages are and doesn't want them to conquer the world instead of him."

"So we're actually on the same side as Shred-Head and Krang?" Raphael scoffed. "That's one for the books."

"But one weapon won't stop the entire town," Leonardo protested. "We're going to have to do what we can on our own." He drew his katanas.

"And it looks like we're going to have the chance to prove it right away," said Raphael. "Here come the Cabbage Patch Kids!" He pointed to several bouncing cabbages heading straight for them.

"Well, now you've given me the creeps," April muttered. "I'll never be able to look at those dolls in the same way again!"

The next moments were a flurry of cabbage-battling. While Leonardo and Raphael sliced and diced, Irma used her stick and Baxter got creative with his flamethrower gun. April filmed the spectacle and Vernon trembled and looked like he wanted to cower behind her.

"You know, we're not doing too badly," Leonardo said presently.

"Oh no? Here comes more!" Raphael yelped, pointing to more cabbages and cabbage-people charging from multiple directions.

"And here comes the cavalry!" Donatello chirped. He ran out of the hotel, along with Michelangelo and the revived townspeople.

"We've had enough of alien cabbages making copies of us!" snarled one man.

"We are going to take them down!" a girl declared.

"Is this exciting or what?!" Michelangelo exclaimed.

"That isn't exactly the terminology I would have used," Baxter retorted. He blasted another cabbage and backed up right into someone else.

"Watch where you're going!" Barney snapped.

Baxter flinched. "Has anyone told you you're in a bad mood today, Brother?"

"I was cloned by a cabbage," Barney shot back. "As if I don't have enough problems being recognized as it is!" He looked over his shoulder at Baxter. "Why did you insist on growing your hair into the same style as mine?!"

"This isn't really the time to discuss it," Baxter replied. He certainly wasn't about to say, _"Because I wanted to make you remember that we're brothers after you abandoned me in the insane asylum,"_ even if they weren't in the middle of a war.

"Not that it made any difference," Barney grumbled. He kicked a flying cabbage away from him. "I've always been mistaken for you, no matter what our hair was like."

"Well, I'm sorry, but that wasn't my fault," Baxter snapped. "I'm tired of being blamed for everything that went wrong for you!"

The sounds of the Turtles fighting off cabbage-people caused them both to look over. Donatello and Michelangelo had launched a double assault and taken out several at once with their weapons, ninja moves, and teamwork. "Turtle Power!" they exclaimed as they high-fived each other.

Baxter gave a sad sigh. "Haven't you ever wished we had a relationship like they have?" he asked.

"I always thought happy families were ridiculously naive," Barney answered haughtily.

"And families where one brother has tried repeatedly to kill the other brother are normal?!" Baxter burst out.

Now Barney flinched. "I didn't mean that," he said quietly. He blasted a cabbage with some type of ray gun. ". . . But while it's true that I attempted that recently, I didn't when we were children."

"You threatened to," Baxter said bitterly.

"But I didn't mean it," Barney insisted. "I was angry and I chased you, but I didn't think you would actually get hurt."

"And when I did, all you cared about was if you would get in trouble." Baxter tried to jump over a rolling cabbage and tripped over it instead. As he crashed to the ground, he turned and activated his flamethrower gun on it. "That was the day I knew you hated me."

A look of guilt passed through Barney's eyes. But his cabbage double's appearance on the scene quickly diverted his attention elsewhere.

"Dude, that is creepy," Michelangelo said as he looked over. "Three guys that look almost completely alike, including two Barneys."

"I hope the wrong one doesn't get hurt," Donatello worried.

Shredder ran past then, blasting at every cabbage he could see with a new and strange gun. When any cabbage people moved to attack, he blasted them as well. Their human disguises fell away and they shrunk in size to normal Earth cabbages.

"Speaking of people getting hurt . . ." Michelangelo stared at the sight.

"Shredder, be careful!" Leonardo yelled. "You might blast some of the real people instead of the cabbages!"

Donatello nodded in agreement. "We don't want any people to get hurt, and we also don't want any of the cabbages to escape!"

"This gun of Krang's is supposed to only affect the cabbage people," Shredder retorted. "Not that I would care if it wasn't for the concern of some of them escaping."

"That's Shredder for you," said Raphael. "Always qualifying for the Supervillain of the Year Award."

Cabbage-Barney looked to them and then back at the Stockman brothers. "Actually, that gun will harm real people," he said. "Some of us have used humans as shields in order to escape detection through the galaxies." He lunged, grabbing Barney. "All I have to do is convince Shredder that I am the real Barney."

Barney yelped in surprise. "He won't believe it!"

"Especially with me here," Baxter declared, running forward. "I won't let you have my brother killed!"

Cabbage-Barney just laughed. "Mr. Shredder!" he yelled, continuing to restrain Barney from behind. "I've caught my double! Blast him quickly!"

"No!" Baxter rushed out in front of them. "He's lying. That's the double talking to you!"

Shredder glowered. "Get out of my way, you pathetic cockroach." He pointed the gun right at him. "I don't care if I have to cut you down to get to him."

"But we do!" Leonardo swept in from behind, kicking Shredder in the shoulder blades with both feet. The evil warlord fell forward with a cry, the gun flying out of his hands.

Raphael caught it. "Alright! Now to do some Cabbage-Busting." He examined the settings and then ran past Baxter to the two Barneys.

Furious, Barney reached and grabbed his imposter by the coat lapels. He flipped the human cabbage over his head and to the ground. "Get him!" he ordered.

Raphael blasted away. When the smoke and lights cleared, a cabbage was in the double's place.

Baxter's shoulders slumped. "I hate to think what that would've done to a real human."

"I think it would've just killed them," Donatello said. "But I'm glad we won't have to find out."

Shredder got up in a huff. "That was the last one," he said. "Or it should be." He glared at Raphael. "If there are any more, you may have the pleasure of defeating them. Come on, Barney. Bebop, Rocksteady! We're getting out of here."

Barney dusted himself off and started after his employer, but paused and looked to Baxter. "You probably saved my life," he said quietly. "I suppose we can call it even now."

"Do brothers have to keep score?" Baxter answered. "Barney, all I wanted was for us to be normal and happy. I wanted my brother to be someone I could trust and rely on. I wanted to feel cared about. The Turtles and Miss O'Neil have treated me more like family than you ever have. And while I'm grateful for their caring, there's something wrong when brothers are strangers as much as you and I are. It's not normal."

"You're right, it isn't," Barney replied. "And I'm sure it isn't normal for anyone to loathe their brother as much as I've loathed you through the years." He suddenly looked tired. "I saved your life at the risk of my own after I tried to kill you and regretted it. But that doesn't mean our problems are over. It doesn't even mean I no longer loathe you. Quite frankly, I don't know what I feel for you anymore." With that he walked past, leaving Baxter staring after him.

"Hey, Baxter."

He looked up with a start as Michelangelo laid a hand on his shoulder. Sympathy and concern were in the Turtle's eyes.

"I'm really sorry, Amigo. I know I don't know what it feels like to have a brother hate on you so much, but it looks like the pits."

"It is," Baxter admitted. "I always felt so alone growing up. My brother hated me and our parents were too busy to even notice." He tried to smile. "But I'm not alone now."

"You're sure not," Michelangelo agreed. "And you won't be ever again." He paused. "And hey, I'm really sorry we didn't believe you about Vernon gassing you. It just sounded so nutzoid, even for Vernon."

Baxter sighed wearily. "At least you didn't completely dismiss me. I know it would be hard to believe it when you know Mr. Fenwick better than I do."

"Well, next time we'll sure take the time to focus more on what we're being told, even if it sounds impossible," Leonardo said.

"There had better not be a next time," Baxter said. "Not like this."

"You said it," Raphael piped up. "One battle against world-conquering cabbages is too many."

Their attention was drawn to April going up to some of the townspeople and asking for their feelings about what had happened. Leonardo shook his head in amusement. "Well, April wanted a big scoop," he said. "She's sure getting it."

"And meanwhile, Vernon looks like he's scared of everything green and leafy," Raphael snarked, pointing to where Vernon was jumping a mile after backing into a bush.

"I wonder how long it'll take him to recover from this one," Leonardo remarked. "He never seems to be quite the same after one of these bizarre experiences."

"Nah, he just gets more obnoxious," said Raphael.

Baxter frowned. "It would be hard to come away from something like this completely unscathed," he said. "Particularly if it's not the first such time."

"While I'd like to say that he acts like a jerk because of all the harrowing adventures he's been through, that's unfortunately not true," Raphael said. "He was a jerk before we ever met him, according to April."

"I suppose that doesn't surprise me," Baxter said.

"Irma tries to be nice to him, but it hasn't improved his mood any," Donatello added. "He still leaves her and April behind at the first sign of trouble."

"He didn't run away this time," Baxter pointed out.

"No, but he sure didn't help, either," said Raphael. "He probably just stayed because he didn't know where to run that would be safe." He gave Baxter a curious look. "Don't tell me you're actually feeling sorry for the guy."

"No, not really. I don't even like him. He has managed to be entirely repulsive and unwelcoming to me. And he's still an idiot." But Baxter frowned. "Yet I suppose part of me can't help remembering how I was so misunderstood and I wonder if that might hold true for him as well."

"Your tune will change once you get to know him better," Raphael said. "Trust us, Baxter, he is one of those people who's beyond help."

"You're probably right," Baxter relented. But somehow, his tone still didn't sound convinced.

****

It was towards evening when everyone climbed aboard their vehicles to depart the mysterious town of Twin Beaks. The real residents, although dazed by the outrageous series of events that had plagued their town, seemed to be rather odd in their own right and the group was all too eager to leave.

"This is going to be the most unbelievable report I've ever made," April declared as she settled into the driver's seat of the news van. "On the phone, Burne said my summary sounded about as clear as a tax form."

"But Burne will have to believe you," Leonardo said from the window. "It's all right there on tape."

"Yeah! Including the cabbage-people turning back into vegetables," Michelangelo added.

Vernon looked ill. "Are they actually going to eat those things now?!"

"I hope they're just going to burn them," Donatello said. "Even though they look like Earth cabbages now, that could be another illusion. Who knows what could happen if humans eat alien cabbages!"

"We both recommended destroying them," Baxter said, "but these people don't seem to appreciate interference from outsiders. Who knows if they will comply."

"At least they'd better not ship them out to other places," Raphael grumbled. "If they want to risk it themselves, they've got no right to put other, oblivious people at risk."

"You said it," Leonardo agreed.

Irma shuddered. "I think I'll hold off on eating all cabbage for a while. Including at Thanksgiving dinner."

"I don't want to see anything that even remotely resembles a cabbage!" Vernon wailed.

"I can't speak for what your family will be doing, Vernon, but I know we're not going to serve any," Raphael said.

"Good for you," Vernon retorted.

The Turtles headed for their van. "Man, I'm sure looking forward to Thanksgiving," Michelangelo declared. "Especially after all this."

"Really?" Raphael returned. "Making the dinner is a lot of work."

"But like, I love to cook!" Michelangelo retorted. "That's not work. And I'm going to make this the best Thanksgiving dinner ever, with plenty of pizzas and non-pizza dishes just like Master Splinter suggested!"

"That sounds great, Michelangelo," April smiled. "I'm looking forward to it. We'll see you guys back in the city!"

The two vans started off down the highway. Michelangelo leaned back, frowning as Leonardo drove.

"What is it, Michelangelo?" Leonardo asked after a moment when he caught sight of Michelangelo out of the corner of his eye.

"I was just thinking about Baxter," Michelangelo admitted. "It's really a maximum bummer about him and Barney. Do you think they'll ever be close?"

"I can't imagine them ever being close like us," Leonardo had to say. "Barney is unfortunately right, that a lifetime of hate doesn't just go away. He clearly still feels very bitter towards Baxter." He paused. "But I think he's confused too. Maybe if he can really sort through his feelings, he can start trying to get over his anger . . . if he wants to."

"He should want to," Michelangelo insisted. "Like, who'd want to be angry?"

"Some people think anger makes them feel good," Raphael said. "Or powerful. And maybe sometimes it does."

"But it can be misused so easily," Leonardo said.

"I'm sure glad we don't have to worry about that with us," Michelangelo declared. "And that Baxter has us and April."

Leonardo smiled. "That's good, alright. We'll try to make Thanksgiving really happy for him."

"For sure, Compadre," Michelangelo grinned. "It's gonna be bodaciously spectacular."

****

In the Channel 6 news van, Baxter was thinking on the encounter with Barney as well. Barney had been angry and they had more or less continued the argument that had started on the Technodrome and culminated in Baxter being struck by Barney's crowbar. He had known more of those feelings would have to come out, on both their parts, but it still wasn't a pleasant thing to have to face. He wanted to repair the problems with his brother, but he wondered if that was even possible. Maybe Barney didn't want to actually kill him, but if he was still angry there was still a problem. And of course, Baxter still felt hurt for all the hateful things Barney had done to him through the years.

What had kept him from including Barney among the people he had wanted revenge on during his horrific tenure as a fly creature? It was strange that he had made that omission. He could barely remember that time at all, and certainly he didn't recall why he hadn't attacked his brother.

"Dr. Stockman?"

He looked over at April with questions in his eyes.

"You've been awfully quiet. Are you alright?"

"Yes," Baxter said wearily. "It's just been a long and confusing day."

"It sure has." April glanced in the rear-view mirror as Irma tried to talk to Vernon. "For all of us."

Baxter nodded. He agreed with that 100 percent.

"But we all came out of it," April continued. "Things could have gone a whole lot worse."

"It was bad enough," Baxter said.

He frowned as he looked to Vernon. Maybe it was because of his trauma over the cross-fusion, but he was having an increasingly difficult time believing that Vernon could easily brush off an experience like today's . . . even moreso when considering all the other things he had likely witnessed since meeting the Turtles. To Baxter, it seemed more likely that each disaster would build on the one before it until the man was headed for a nervous breakdown. For someone as weak of heart as Vernon supposedly was, it must be far worse than for trained ninjas such as the Turtles. Baxter, who had always been thought of as weak by everyone, could sympathize despite not liking Vernon. And he had to wonder if Vernon was really as weak as he appeared, considering that he had not had that breakdown yet.

"Come on, Vernon," Irma was saying. "I know it seems bad now, but in a few days you probably won't even be thinking about today any more."

"Because something else will have happened!" Vernon moaned. "I don't know how I get into these situations. I really don't."

Baxter sighed and leaned back, staring out at the November night without really looking at it. "I wondered how I did too," he said quietly, really to himself.


End file.
